Cool moms and narc dads forever

Plus: The seedy, plonky past of the world’s biggest wine company!

On Monday, Gallup released the results of its annual survey about American drinking habits. Despite all the recent pearl-clutching amongst beverage-alcohol industry types and mainstream medial outlets about the alleged sober-curiosity of younger millennial and Gen Z drinkers, 62% of respondents told the pollster they be drinkin’—which is basically identical to the average rate of self-reported guzzling in the consumer-sentiment survey’s 84-year history. That’s good news for enthusiasts and those “in the trade.” Unclutch those pearls! Or don’t, because there’s bad news to be sussed out of Gallup’s tally-up, too, if you dare look.