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Full disclosure I was working and then got shitcanned from Lagunitas brought to you by Heineken in Chicago trying to make a taproom that legit did NOT HAVE BEER LINES RUNNING on opening day, but man, they filled that fucking merch store with all kinds of dumb shit, including but not limited to a stand up paddle board (like, what? WHAT?) and so much goddamn dog toys (ALSO WHAT) but I think the best was this idiotic camp blanket, because what screams bring middling IPAs and not actually gluten free hop water to your campsite is an ugly ass overpriced polyester blanket: Reader, I guarantee you they are all still in the stupid warehouse they fired everyone out of: https://store.lagunitas.com/collections/accessories/products/camp-blanket

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If a friend or loved one gave me a $100 Lagunitas picnic blanket for Christmas I would simply have to reevaluate their status as a friend or loved one.

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Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

I think decanters are a little much to begin with but this is a whole new level. https://jonathanadler.com/products/bourbon-rocket-decanter?variant_id=39626395877410

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Oh yeah, I've seen this vessel before: https://www.fingers.email/p/new-underwear-for-when-he-shts-himself

I don't think this is intentional, but the way this abomination is priced, it could really only appeal to people with easily gained wealth they do not deserve—like crypto bros c. 2021, who absolutely adored the 🚀🚀🚀 emoji. To the mooooooon!

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Nov 15, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

Yes, drinking wine (or grape juice) is part of the weekly ritual of Shabbat. These fountains aren't totally necessary but they are a fun way to share wine with multiple people when observing the Sabbath together.

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Yeah, knowing that this is an option I can't fathom doing it any other way. I grew up Catholic—strong chalice game, but nothing approximating a wine fountain.

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Nov 15, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

I spent Christmas Eve a few years ago making fun of my brother-in-law for trying and failing to use this dumb can opener on beer cans. The very first gift I opened on Christmas Day was a Draft Top from him and I was rolling on the floor laughing. It's not expensive but it's a gimmick that doesn't even work well and doesn't do anything that isn't already built into a beer can.

https://drafttop.com/collections/all/products/draft-top-lift

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Dude so I've seen this (or something like it) before, and always wondered—doesn't it just create a sharp aluminum edge on the lip of the can? It seems like the risk (of slicing your lip open) vs. the reward (of having a can without a top on it for... reasons?) is pretty skewed!

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Nov 15, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

It actually doesn't, that part is fine surprisingly. The problem is the cutting wheels aren't sharp enough, and once you get part way through you can't grip the can without starting to crush it.

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Oh yeah, I just looked closer and it looks like it cuts the top inside the folded aluminum lip? That's a relief, I guess—I honestly thought people were out here risking facial reconstructive surgery for no reason.

But what you described... seems like a pretty obvious design flaw! Maybe Fingers should start a rival firm to tap into latent user demand with a superior version of the product. There have gotta be dozens of potential customers out there. Dozens!

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Nov 15, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

Or if you don't feel like using a glass you can make your drink in the can too? While having to go through the inconvenience of buying mini bottles?

https://drafttop.com/collections/all/products/can-clip

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I'm torn on this one because I DO love a good Mexican Bulldog: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/07/dining/mexican-bulldog-cocktail.html

Just kidding I'm not actually torn on this, I would never make one of these myself, what am I talking about. These things seem like the sort of thing you find fucking STACKS of in a kitchen drawer at a rental house when you're on the hunt for actually useful utensils.

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Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante
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My god

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Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante
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Ideal for mixing up the perfect Howard Hughes! 2 parts your own piss, 1 part... uh... more piss, I guess.

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Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante
Nov 14, 2023·edited Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

I have a much more reasonably priced "fountain" that works the same way. I have to say it does impress all the kids when we have guests for Shabbat.

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I think it's kinda cool, albeit unnecessary in a secular context. I'm gathering it's used for a religious rite of some kind?

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I don't know what kind of shop classes YOU took, but we never made it to fabricating Stanley Cup shot luges in mine.

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Nov 14, 2023Liked by Dave Infante

The Tater's Choice of NFTs: https://barrelfi.io "A BarrelFi NFT provides membership to the first NFT distillery collection, ever."

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I feel like you may as well just hand them a "Human Fund"-style placard that says you've submitted their name to the IRS audit hotline. Same outcome, fewer steps, zero cost to you!

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