The 2022 Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™
Our 3rd-annual collection of crappy booze-related presents for highly specific people you kinda hate!
Editor’s note: As a reminder, I’m taking the next couple weeks off from normal boozeletter programming unless something major comes up that I feel like I have to write about. We’ll pick up where we left off in early January, but for the meantime, as a thanks for being a paying Friend of Fingers, here’s a fun bonus edition. Happy holidays from HQ!—Dave.
Grab yourself a big mug of eggnog and settle in for a long winter’s boozeletter, because it’s time once again for Fingers’ third-annual Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™ (BHGGfH-DF™ 2022, for short.) Last year, our expert team of Blundstone owners, IPA mansplainers, and lapsed Catholics here at Fingers HQ curated a dazzling list of overpriced, underwhelming schlock for you to buy for every irredeemable-but-unavoidable piece of shit on your list, from couples that think they’re too good for YETIs, to rotten-toothed imperialists, to antifa-fearing real-estate investors, and beyond. It was a gas!
For BHGGfH-DF™ 2022, our editorial board asked us to tone down the obvious personal attacks, sneering contempt for consumerism, and careening leftist politics, all of which were apparently scaring advertisers, those cowards. We considered the request, we really did. But then we remembered that Fingers doesn’t have an editorial board, or advertisers, or even a staff! It’s just me, your fearless Fingers editor, and you—the generous and good-looking Friends of Fingers who keep the bills paid and the boozeletters read. So as we hurtle towards 2023, here’s a list of even more grotesque presents for even more specific frenemies. Why? Because fuck ‘em, that’s why!
Read on to find hand-picked, booze-centric gifts for:
College friends who told you to go all-in on FTX!
Perfectly friendly NIMBY Boomers next door!
Coworkers who recently bought Twitter Blue subscriptions!
Kanye fans who are concerningly still Kanye fans!
And many more!
As a reminder, the perfect gift for your actual friends and loved ones is an annual subscription to Fingers, which will keep their inboxes full of independent coverage and commentary about drinking in America, and keep the boozeletter afloat in the process. Talk about a win-win!
Happy holidays from Fingers HQ. May your cup runneth over, and all that jazz. And remember: just because ethicists, doctors, and the police may advise against giving a mercurial energy drink executive a Champagne saber doesn’t mean you have to listen to them!