Bud Light Seltzer earned some sweet sweet headlines in late August by teasing the impending arrival of the Fall Flannel variety pack. The 12-pack hit shelves nationwide on Labor Day and includes four flavors: Apple Crisp, Maple Pear, Toasted Marshmallow, and Pumpkin Spice.
I have only the warmest of lukewarm takes on the existence of the Fall Flannel pack, which is basically: sure, no brainer, this is no dumber or less dumb than smoothie seltzer or Lucky Charms IPA or whatever. Like any mass-market CPG brand, Bud Light Seltzer constantly has to figure new ways to stand out in a crowded field, and you’re looking at their best bet for Fall 2021. That’s all.
Still, I don’t think I’d like to sip a Toasted Marshmallow hard seltzer. Would you? And while we’re on the subject…
What’s the worst hard seltzer you’ve ever had?
What brand was it? How much did it cost? What convinced you to try it in the first place? Most importantly: what flavor was it supposed to be, and what did it actually taste like? Inquiring minds (i.e., me) would like to know. See you in the comments!—Dave
There's a newish brewery near the beach we go to in Mass., which became our new post-beach spot after the bougie seafood spot across the street stopped letting us come sit at the bar in cover ups and board shorts (I'm still salty over this). Their beers, especially this nice clean helles they make, are all really good so you'd think this would translate to their hard seltzers, which they tout as being styled after some kind of German mineral spring water. But no. The seltzers all taste like Greek yogurt with fake fruit.
Lol you got dress-coded out of lobster thermidor, sorry for your loss. On another note: when will Chobani or Faje enter the smoothie seltzer discourse? Dairy seltzer, could be huge tbh.
It gets worse -- the last time we went I changed into an actual dress and put on makeup and the high school age hostesses still looked at me and were like "nope, the bar's full" when it CLEARLY was not. It's getting embarrassing but if I didn't like the view from their deck and their tuna tacos so much I would stop trying.
Have we seen lactose smoothie seltzers yet? Seems like something that might already be a thing and if I have just spoken it into existence, I am very sorry to everyone else. Chobani RTDs coming in hot for spring resets.
*touches finger to earpiece* What's that? My god... my producer has just informed me of a strategic long-term partnership in the works between Chobani and Smooj. Hug your loved ones close.
If it's allowed, I'd like to share an experience I had with a seltzer that sounded *even* worse than Pumpkin Spice or Toasted Marshmallow but turned out to be pretty magnificent. The folks over at Area Two, in the seltzer haven of Stratford, CT, have — or at least had — a Martini-inspired hard seltzer on tap. Dubbed "The Dirty" (great start, right?), the base alcohol matures in a mix of gin and vermouth barrels before it emerges in all its glory from a nitro tap at a SeSSionAblE 🤪 11 percent ABV, IIRC. Served in a Martini glass with a few green olives, it can only be described as a stroke of seltzer genius. Heck, barely a day goes by when I don't stop for a moment or two to think about The Dirty.
Whoa, that sounds absolutely foul. Congratulations to The Dirty for overcoming adversity, I guess. It's malt-based not spirit-based? At 11%? Do they package, or do we need to plan a roadtrip to Stratford soon? I have some family in the area...
Brewed base, though not sure if it was malt or cane. Sadly they don't package. I believe they have a pretty tough time keeping up with production beyond tap because there are not that many gin barrels out there (and fewer vermouth, I would imagine). Stratford here we come.
The worst hard seltzer I had was actually a THC infused seltzer. Tasted so chalky. Pretty expensive ~$8/12oz can and I don't think the 5mg hit me in fluid form as it usually does as an edible.
The second worst was the Blue Raspberry Warheads Artisinal Hard Seltzer. It poured a dirty coolant blue and tasted like something you shouldn't ingest. Mixed 4pk for $14 and the other flavors were more tolerable.
As an award-winning food critic I feel that it's only right to request that you taste and rank every Fall Flannel™ flavor for a special Fingers x Food Section crossover feature. DO YOU ACCEPT THIS CHALLENGE?
Great South Bay on Long Island makes a "Spiked" Peanut Butter Cup seltzer. It's..quite disgusting. It tastes like bottled peanut butter cup flavoring extract, carbonated. Like if you took the oil that separates off of fresh peanut butter, and mixed that into a seltzer. And I say this as someone that typically likes regular sweeter flavor seltzers like coconut, Mint or white chocolate.
I don't need to call out a single seltzer, because I can safely say that all of the "worst" hard seltzers I've had have been made by small craft breweries in an attempt to appeal to the seltzer drinkers in their taprooms. Worst of the worst are the ones that use real fruit and pour as chunky fizzy messes.
NAME NAMES, CHRIS! Just kidding, I'm glad you didn't, Fingers policy dictates we punch up and not down. Honestly this is just kind of pitiable to me. It suggests that a lot of small breweries are a) shaky on producing consistent quality liquids that aren't hop- or juice-bombs; and b) only capable of "innovating" within a very limited scope. Neither bodes well!
I've heard that! People have also told me it's super-streaky: inconsistent from one pack to the next, which is SO bizarre, because that's an Anheuser-Busch InBev product. They have no problem with consistency. Wondering if Travis Scott's involvement made formulating the stuff harder for some reason... maybe he wanted certain flavors/characteristics? But that shouldn't really have such a dramatic effect. Semi-related: https://vinepair.com/articles/celebrity-hard-seltzer-trend/
That's so weird! You'd think consistency would at least be the one thing they get right! I can't say for sure, but I think it was the pineapple flavor. My corner deli had very clearly just broken open a variety pack and put them in the cooler. So it's either pineapple, lime or strawberry.
Yeah, and also flavor fidelity. Like, if anyone can get accurate pineapple flavor at scale, it should be ABI. And I doubt they mailed it in on this project, because Scott's collabs with McDonald's and other firms have been huge sales-/attention-getters, and they obviously wanted to replicate that. Hmm... "What Killed Cacti?" Might have to start looking into that.
I'll probably catch flak for this, but I must speak my truth: Topo Chico Tangy Lemon Lime hard seltzer reminded me of the flavored dental fluoride I used to gag on as a kid. 0/10, do not recommend. If you disagree with me, that's cancel culture.
There's a newish brewery near the beach we go to in Mass., which became our new post-beach spot after the bougie seafood spot across the street stopped letting us come sit at the bar in cover ups and board shorts (I'm still salty over this). Their beers, especially this nice clean helles they make, are all really good so you'd think this would translate to their hard seltzers, which they tout as being styled after some kind of German mineral spring water. But no. The seltzers all taste like Greek yogurt with fake fruit.
Lol you got dress-coded out of lobster thermidor, sorry for your loss. On another note: when will Chobani or Faje enter the smoothie seltzer discourse? Dairy seltzer, could be huge tbh.
It gets worse -- the last time we went I changed into an actual dress and put on makeup and the high school age hostesses still looked at me and were like "nope, the bar's full" when it CLEARLY was not. It's getting embarrassing but if I didn't like the view from their deck and their tuna tacos so much I would stop trying.
Have we seen lactose smoothie seltzers yet? Seems like something that might already be a thing and if I have just spoken it into existence, I am very sorry to everyone else. Chobani RTDs coming in hot for spring resets.
*touches finger to earpiece* What's that? My god... my producer has just informed me of a strategic long-term partnership in the works between Chobani and Smooj. Hug your loved ones close.
If it's allowed, I'd like to share an experience I had with a seltzer that sounded *even* worse than Pumpkin Spice or Toasted Marshmallow but turned out to be pretty magnificent. The folks over at Area Two, in the seltzer haven of Stratford, CT, have — or at least had — a Martini-inspired hard seltzer on tap. Dubbed "The Dirty" (great start, right?), the base alcohol matures in a mix of gin and vermouth barrels before it emerges in all its glory from a nitro tap at a SeSSionAblE 🤪 11 percent ABV, IIRC. Served in a Martini glass with a few green olives, it can only be described as a stroke of seltzer genius. Heck, barely a day goes by when I don't stop for a moment or two to think about The Dirty.
Whoa, that sounds absolutely foul. Congratulations to The Dirty for overcoming adversity, I guess. It's malt-based not spirit-based? At 11%? Do they package, or do we need to plan a roadtrip to Stratford soon? I have some family in the area...
Brewed base, though not sure if it was malt or cane. Sadly they don't package. I believe they have a pretty tough time keeping up with production beyond tap because there are not that many gin barrels out there (and fewer vermouth, I would imagine). Stratford here we come.
Lol yeah scale's gonna be a problem with that one. But iT's aLl aBoUt tHe LiQuId, Tim
The worst hard seltzer I had was actually a THC infused seltzer. Tasted so chalky. Pretty expensive ~$8/12oz can and I don't think the 5mg hit me in fluid form as it usually does as an edible.
The second worst was the Blue Raspberry Warheads Artisinal Hard Seltzer. It poured a dirty coolant blue and tasted like something you shouldn't ingest. Mixed 4pk for $14 and the other flavors were more tolerable.
*extremely Jon Stewart in Half Baked voice* "Yeah but have you ever had a hard seltzer... ON WEED?"
LMAO at them describing a blue raspberry Warheads beverage as "artisanal"
One man's trash is another man's... nope, still trash.
That’s the name of the partner brewery…
I have never tried hard seltzer. Maybe I was waiting for this toasted marshmallow moment.
As an award-winning food critic I feel that it's only right to request that you taste and rank every Fall Flannel™ flavor for a special Fingers x Food Section crossover feature. DO YOU ACCEPT THIS CHALLENGE?
Wait, how did we end up doing Bud Light's bidding here? I ACCEPT ALL CHALLENGES.
Ah shit, walked right into this. Outfoxed by those brilliant Brazilians again. SEE YOU AT THE FLAGPOLE WITH A 12-PACK ANYWAY.
Toasted Marshmallow and Maple Pear horrible!
You tried them? I haven't tried any yet. Haven't even seen the pack on shelves, in fact.
Bud Light Seltzers especially the lemonade ones make me feel so sick and gross!!
I recognize the marketing strategy behind the the trend of lemonade-ifying and ice tea-ifying FMBs, but it's also 100% not for me.
Great South Bay on Long Island makes a "Spiked" Peanut Butter Cup seltzer. It's..quite disgusting. It tastes like bottled peanut butter cup flavoring extract, carbonated. Like if you took the oil that separates off of fresh peanut butter, and mixed that into a seltzer. And I say this as someone that typically likes regular sweeter flavor seltzers like coconut, Mint or white chocolate.
Oh man that sounds ROUGH. But... tell me about this white chocolate hard seltzer?
oh, not hard. Regular. Adirondack White Chocolate Seltzer. Pretty good! http://www.adirondackbeverages.com/Products/Seltzers/WhiteChocolateSeltzer/tabid/155/Default.aspx
Seems like that's begging to be spiked with something... but what? Rumple Minze?
hmm. maybe.
I don't need to call out a single seltzer, because I can safely say that all of the "worst" hard seltzers I've had have been made by small craft breweries in an attempt to appeal to the seltzer drinkers in their taprooms. Worst of the worst are the ones that use real fruit and pour as chunky fizzy messes.
NAME NAMES, CHRIS! Just kidding, I'm glad you didn't, Fingers policy dictates we punch up and not down. Honestly this is just kind of pitiable to me. It suggests that a lot of small breweries are a) shaky on producing consistent quality liquids that aren't hop- or juice-bombs; and b) only capable of "innovating" within a very limited scope. Neither bodes well!
The Cacti "Agave" seltzers are absolutely disgusting. Bought one, took a sip, and then dumped the rest
Wait also which flavor did you try?
I've heard that! People have also told me it's super-streaky: inconsistent from one pack to the next, which is SO bizarre, because that's an Anheuser-Busch InBev product. They have no problem with consistency. Wondering if Travis Scott's involvement made formulating the stuff harder for some reason... maybe he wanted certain flavors/characteristics? But that shouldn't really have such a dramatic effect. Semi-related: https://vinepair.com/articles/celebrity-hard-seltzer-trend/
That's so weird! You'd think consistency would at least be the one thing they get right! I can't say for sure, but I think it was the pineapple flavor. My corner deli had very clearly just broken open a variety pack and put them in the cooler. So it's either pineapple, lime or strawberry.
Yeah, and also flavor fidelity. Like, if anyone can get accurate pineapple flavor at scale, it should be ABI. And I doubt they mailed it in on this project, because Scott's collabs with McDonald's and other firms have been huge sales-/attention-getters, and they obviously wanted to replicate that. Hmm... "What Killed Cacti?" Might have to start looking into that.
I'd read that for sure!
I'll probably catch flak for this, but I must speak my truth: Topo Chico Tangy Lemon Lime hard seltzer reminded me of the flavored dental fluoride I used to gag on as a kid. 0/10, do not recommend. If you disagree with me, that's cancel culture.
Budlight Pumpkin spice is hot garbage. Smells like a dollar store candle and has a weird plastic-y taste/mouth feel.