It’s the Friday before Memorial Day Weekend, and your fearless Fingers editor is still professionally obligated to punch the keys for another few hours. If you, too, are still grinding out a few more hours of shareholder returns before floating into the holiday on a river of drink, come waste some time in the comments with me:
Let’s talk about serious business (Gallo’s Montucky Cold Snacks play, Heineken’s Chicago Lagunitas shutdown, Jay-Z’s new stake in Finnish Long Drink), and/or silly bullshit, like what your weirdly pricey non-alc brand name would be according to this highly scientific chart I made the other day:
Or literally anything else! What’s on your mind, Fingers Fam? Questions about my recent coverage? Concerns about the unchecked power of our Fox News-pickled FedSoc boomer judiciary? Recommendations for a pair of summer Blundstones that say “I worked one harvest in the Loire Valley on my gap year between Choate and Bowdoin and will simply never shut the fuck up about it for the rest of my life”? Give it to me:
Oh also: As you might’ve guessed, there will be no Weekender this Sunday. After this thread, HQ will go dark for the holiday. Fingers will be back in your inboxes with regular programming next Wednesday (ish.) Anyway, hope to see you in the comments!
Hey so, I'm gonna put 'Nu Release' on a T-shirt. That's my combo summer-ready NA brand that's doing online-only drops of stuff called like 'strawberry fields' for $35/4 pack (free shipping!) **and** my Imagine Dragons cover band! Perfect!
In all seriousness, here in Greater Houston it just feels like craft beer is dying faster each and every day, and the only corners for retrenchment are sad neighborhood taprooms in barely built out strip mall fronts. The death of the beer bar here has been both slow and fast. Slow in the sense that the owner of the late great Hay Merchant here in Houston aptly predicted ~10 years ago that taproom sales in Texas would kill beer bars - and the former location of that incredible bar is testament to that insight - being a grafitti covered shell sitting on a prime corner of real estate. Fast in that since the great plague, some combination of taproom competition along with incredibly rising rents and the rapid devolution of craft beer culture has just destroyed what was a thriving beer bar culture not even 5 years ago. It's depressing, and I'd be really curious what the space for the beer bar looks like elsewhere. It seems like we're all suffering the same? But I just don't know. My 'third places' for beer are all taprooms now (aside from a couple exceptions like our local Flying Saucer) - but it makes me sorta sad for what was.
Yeah, you paint a grim picture of the Houston scene, and I'm sorry to hear it. RIP Hay Merchant, sounds like it deserved much better than it got. I think the beer bar concept is having a tough go of it across the country, honestly. The closure of Falling Rock in Denver comes to mind, but there have definitely been some others. (In Richmond, a pioneering spot called Commercial Taphouse recently got replaced with a very great, but very not-beer-focused concept.) Then again, places like The Brick Store in Decatur GA or Monk's Cafe in Philly are hanging on, but they may be more outliers.
I'm thinking nootropics, something proprietary, unproven, and absolutely not generally recognized as safe by the FDA.
Somebody must have Hov's number, I think we just kinda keep asking people until we obtain it, then T9Word text him our pitch in a series of borderline unintelligible SMS messages. He'll love it!
Ugh, that is pretty good. Congrats on becoming a THC-infused seltzer millionaire, I guess. Don't forget the Fingers Fam when you're hobnobbing with the coastal elite.
Y'all are coming with me and we're gonna have a Tik Tok style house in the PNW where all we talk about is "what happened to West Coast IPAs" while we drink West Coast IPAs.
Oh my god, an IPA TikTok house. "Welcome to the Hop House, the first and probably last high-ABV hype house, presented by Fingers against the strenuous objections of our legal department"
‘Well Bud’ it hydrates better than water and allows you carve out headspace for you. Infused with organically grown electrolyzed cannabinoid fractals. For when you need a wellness break to ‘it’s all about me … and my sense of community.’ Cut to a guy filling cans with a garden hose and dropping in a weed gummy.
"It's all about me... and my sense of community" is a pretty perfect slogan for a lot of johnny-come-lately craft breweries in second- and third-tier cities' rapidly gentrifying post-industrial warehouse districts tbh
Maybe to YOU. To me, Purpose Llama sounds like the next functional-bev unicorn, combining ashwagandha's soothing powers with the perceived-better-for-you lifestyle branding of a beloved South American bovid. Sell the sizzle, not the (llama) steak, bay-bee!
"Free Life" I'm thinking a water in aluminum can competitor to Liquid Death? Just water in a metal can but the exact opposite branding. And 'Free Life Plus" is our electrolyte hangover cure in a can. It's environmentally friendly so we can justify the price 💲💲
If you've been to Oga's Cantina at Star Wars Galaxy's Edge (at Disneyland in California or Hollywood Studios at Walt Disney World in Florida), what's your favorite drink on the menu?
I'm partial to the Fiery Mustafarian: El Mayor Anejo Tequila, Apertivo Aperol, Peach Purée, Peach Syrup and Lime Juice, served with a dropper of Spicy Lava Syrup ($19.00).
Brilliant. I made a Calm Harvest and just started drinking it now. The ingredients are:
A dash of zipfizz peach-mango powder for the adaptogens
A melatonin gummy
Steven Smith Lullaby tea (I went bougie on the tea)
Brew the tea, drop in melatonin gummy and wait for it to melt and cool down, pour in a fancy pint glass over ice with a dash of zipfizz. It's actually delicious, I'm going to make this regularly. Your meme created a new NA tasty beverage! 🙌🧋
Hey so, I'm gonna put 'Nu Release' on a T-shirt. That's my combo summer-ready NA brand that's doing online-only drops of stuff called like 'strawberry fields' for $35/4 pack (free shipping!) **and** my Imagine Dragons cover band! Perfect!
In all seriousness, here in Greater Houston it just feels like craft beer is dying faster each and every day, and the only corners for retrenchment are sad neighborhood taprooms in barely built out strip mall fronts. The death of the beer bar here has been both slow and fast. Slow in the sense that the owner of the late great Hay Merchant here in Houston aptly predicted ~10 years ago that taproom sales in Texas would kill beer bars - and the former location of that incredible bar is testament to that insight - being a grafitti covered shell sitting on a prime corner of real estate. Fast in that since the great plague, some combination of taproom competition along with incredibly rising rents and the rapid devolution of craft beer culture has just destroyed what was a thriving beer bar culture not even 5 years ago. It's depressing, and I'd be really curious what the space for the beer bar looks like elsewhere. It seems like we're all suffering the same? But I just don't know. My 'third places' for beer are all taprooms now (aside from a couple exceptions like our local Flying Saucer) - but it makes me sorta sad for what was.
"$35/4 pack (free shipping!)" lol nailed it
Yeah, you paint a grim picture of the Houston scene, and I'm sorry to hear it. RIP Hay Merchant, sounds like it deserved much better than it got. I think the beer bar concept is having a tough go of it across the country, honestly. The closure of Falling Rock in Denver comes to mind, but there have definitely been some others. (In Richmond, a pioneering spot called Commercial Taphouse recently got replaced with a very great, but very not-beer-focused concept.) Then again, places like The Brick Store in Decatur GA or Monk's Cafe in Philly are hanging on, but they may be more outliers.
Space buzz - still sounds like booze!
Now how do I get Jay Z to invest
I'm thinking nootropics, something proprietary, unproven, and absolutely not generally recognized as safe by the FDA.
Somebody must have Hov's number, I think we just kinda keep asking people until we obtain it, then T9Word text him our pitch in a series of borderline unintelligible SMS messages. He'll love it!
Space Bud, great non-alc bev name.
Ugh, that is pretty good. Congrats on becoming a THC-infused seltzer millionaire, I guess. Don't forget the Fingers Fam when you're hobnobbing with the coastal elite.
Y'all are coming with me and we're gonna have a Tik Tok style house in the PNW where all we talk about is "what happened to West Coast IPAs" while we drink West Coast IPAs.
Oh my god, an IPA TikTok house. "Welcome to the Hop House, the first and probably last high-ABV hype house, presented by Fingers against the strenuous objections of our legal department"
‘Well Bud’ it hydrates better than water and allows you carve out headspace for you. Infused with organically grown electrolyzed cannabinoid fractals. For when you need a wellness break to ‘it’s all about me … and my sense of community.’ Cut to a guy filling cans with a garden hose and dropping in a weed gummy.
"It's all about me... and my sense of community" is a pretty perfect slogan for a lot of johnny-come-lately craft breweries in second- and third-tier cities' rapidly gentrifying post-industrial warehouse districts tbh
Namaste, Broseph!
Hi/gh Top
You drink out of a shoe. The shoe is also CBD
This is the way
“Purpose Llama” sounds more like a card game designed to help 6 year olds improve their self-esteem.
Maybe to YOU. To me, Purpose Llama sounds like the next functional-bev unicorn, combining ashwagandha's soothing powers with the perceived-better-for-you lifestyle branding of a beloved South American bovid. Sell the sizzle, not the (llama) steak, bay-bee!
"Free Life" I'm thinking a water in aluminum can competitor to Liquid Death? Just water in a metal can but the exact opposite branding. And 'Free Life Plus" is our electrolyte hangover cure in a can. It's environmentally friendly so we can justify the price 💲💲
I feel like the Liquid IV/hangover recovery space is yours for the taking. "Energy meter depleted after a hard night out? Here, have some Free Life."
...Well Pond? Uh...I guess that's a...electrolyte-infused sparkling diet 'booch, maybe?
Workshopping this...
Wow Llama. For a non-alcoholic brand, you sound drunk when you speak it.
Wow Llama, the world's first and only non-alcoholic hard yerba mata.
WE'RE MILLIONAIRES!!!
Calm Fear. I assume it's like a vodka red bull.
Question for the crowd:
If you've been to Oga's Cantina at Star Wars Galaxy's Edge (at Disneyland in California or Hollywood Studios at Walt Disney World in Florida), what's your favorite drink on the menu?
I'm partial to the Fiery Mustafarian: El Mayor Anejo Tequila, Apertivo Aperol, Peach Purée, Peach Syrup and Lime Juice, served with a dropper of Spicy Lava Syrup ($19.00).
The terrible taste and existential dread of a Red Bull vodka, now without caffeine, its only benefit!
I'm partial to the "Rancor Beer Flight Souvenir Board with Four Teeth" because it rhymes and I frankly don't understand what it is.
Calm Harvest, I'd drink it. My current fav $$ non-alc at the convenience store is Happy Mountain kombucha.
Calm Harvest, infused with a custom blend of adaptogens, melatonin, and knockoff Celestial Seasonings SleepyTime Tea
Brilliant. I made a Calm Harvest and just started drinking it now. The ingredients are:
A dash of zipfizz peach-mango powder for the adaptogens
A melatonin gummy
Steven Smith Lullaby tea (I went bougie on the tea)
Brew the tea, drop in melatonin gummy and wait for it to melt and cool down, pour in a fancy pint glass over ice with a dash of zipfizz. It's actually delicious, I'm going to make this regularly. Your meme created a new NA tasty beverage! 🙌🧋
I am confused by my last name matching to "Pete."
"'Roll with it, don't resist it'—Boobie Miles"—Dave Infante
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/acd22739-3131-46e5-a33b-3fe41ae5b050