Happy Thanksgiving week from Fingers HQ! The holiday shopping season kicks off in earnest this Friday, but I’m seeing tons of sales in motion already, and considering that rail workers may yet force a righteous strike against carriers raking in massive profits, it’d behoove you to get your holiday gifts squared way sooner rather than later.
In keeping with boozeletter tradition, I’ll once again be publishing a Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™️ to highlight the corniest, most expensive, and least useful drinking paraphernalia on the market. It’s kind of like Drew Magary’s iconic “Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog,” but alcohol-specific and internet-wide. The gist (cribbing my lede from the 2021 edition):
If you’re shopping for actual friends and loved ones, I don’t recommend buying any of this shit on account of some of it is quite expensive and all of it is stupid. But if you have a frenemy in your life to whom you are simply obligated to give a present—a bad boss, say, or an evil stepmother or whatever—I endorse every one of the products below for passive-aggressive drinks-related gifting.
For 2022, I’m opening up the floor to gift nominations from the whole Fingers Fam. Come across something uniquely stupid/weird/unnecessary in your drinking journey this year? Tell me about it!
Comments are open to both free and paid subscribers, and will run for the next couple weeks, so copy-paste me those sweet, sweet links, folks! I’m looking for opulent, obscure, obsolete, and otherwise outrageous items whose mere existence is an affront to the taste, decency, and budget of the American drinking public. So, less shotski, and more shotbong (although if you submit this incredibly depressing faux-rustic shotski from Macy’s, I’ll consider it.)As a matter of editorial policy, strong preference will be given to Blue Lives Matter/Thin Blue Line/etc. drinking schlock, of course.
BONUS: If your contribution winds up in Fingers’ third-annual BHGGfH-DF™️, I’ll mail you some official Fingers stickers, and a copy of The Boozeletter Turns Two…sletter!
UPDATE: Friend of Fingers Ben O. points out that the link to the depressing Macy's shotski is dead, which is true. But when you go to Macy's website and search "shotski" it comes up. INTRIGUING! Anyway if you don't want to do all that for the payoff on a throwaway joke I totally get it, but just thought you should know that Fingers takes this sort of quality-control issue seriously. Thank you Ben O.!
Pardon me, sir: I'm looking for .... how do I say this ... "the perfect item for the gentleman who appreciates a fine drink and a distinguished fragrance."
Yeah Duke Cannon is pretty ridiculous and BT is generally an embarrassment…however, my mother in law got me this as a stocking stuffer last Christmas (“hm he likes to drink, but I don’t want to get him booze” I guess?) and fwiw I just cracked the 4th one today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
*sips Sierra Nevada Celebration* Hmmmm, I haven't yet seen anything worthy of the list, but I'll keep an eye out in the next few days and post if I find any treasures.
Before the pandemic, my office had a white elephant party and my boss gifted a metal baseball bat and a 40 of malt liquor. It was very appreciated.
This is definitely a bit out of my depth—I've never even been to St. James' Gate! But I do kind of like the idea of some sort of booze creators index... hmmm.
UPDATE: Friend of Fingers Ben O. points out that the link to the depressing Macy's shotski is dead, which is true. But when you go to Macy's website and search "shotski" it comes up. INTRIGUING! Anyway if you don't want to do all that for the payoff on a throwaway joke I totally get it, but just thought you should know that Fingers takes this sort of quality-control issue seriously. Thank you Ben O.!
Pardon me, sir: I'm looking for .... how do I say this ... "the perfect item for the gentleman who appreciates a fine drink and a distinguished fragrance."
https://dukecannon.com/collections/soap-bundles/products/the-beer-and-bourbon-box
I'm realizing that we could easily just build a list of Manly Soaps for Men™️ modeled after booze brands/scents... we're gonna need a bigger list.
Also Buffalo Trace is absolutely SLUMMING it in that selection. Sazerac partnerships team, baby, what are you doing?
Yeah Duke Cannon is pretty ridiculous and BT is generally an embarrassment…however, my mother in law got me this as a stocking stuffer last Christmas (“hm he likes to drink, but I don’t want to get him booze” I guess?) and fwiw I just cracked the 4th one today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Fingerz Pitch: Duke Cannon Booze Bar Power Ranking
*sips Sierra Nevada Celebration* Hmmmm, I haven't yet seen anything worthy of the list, but I'll keep an eye out in the next few days and post if I find any treasures.
Before the pandemic, my office had a white elephant party and my boss gifted a metal baseball bat and a 40 of malt liquor. It was very appreciated.
This seems like a very irresponsible combination of items. What kind of malt liquor? St. Ides? Colt .45?
Never heard of him. Seems like he really likes Guinness!
This is definitely a bit out of my depth—I've never even been to St. James' Gate! But I do kind of like the idea of some sort of booze creators index... hmmm.
That pub sounds and looks like a winner: https://www.thegravedigger.ie/gravediggerspub
Something like this is in the works, stay tuned. In the meantime, thanks for reading!