Wannabe drink-fluencers get freaky on LinkedIn, but perverts fiending for more potent industry pablum know the real puro is most reliably found in publicly traded booze firms’ financial disclosures. And lo: a tipster reached out yesterday flagging Tilray Brand’s annual report, in which the powerfully meaningless incantation “synergy optimization plan” appears not once, not twice, but thrice. For example:
[W]e implemented Project 420, which was a comprehensive plan covering (i) SKU rationalization; (ii) Geographic rationalization; (iii) Distributor rationalization; and (iv) synergy optimization plan through which we expect to invest in the acquired brands for growth and improve profitability[.]
That’s the good shit right there. Never been stepped on. Uncut and ready to prove the critical importance of having Narcan on deck. Oh you’re still doing cute little key bumps of “capturing savings” and “identifying efficiencies"? That’s adorable. Call me when you’re ready to snort three fat lines of “rationalization” and then immediately inject some synergy straight into your eyeballs. I have a guy for the hard stuff, and his name is Irwin Simon.
If you see beverage-alcohol corporatespeak in the wild that deserves to be the next Fingers Buzzword, submit it for consideration to [email protected]. All submissions anonymous!
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