ISO: The dumbest drinking-related shit for sale this holiday season

The old holiday is Thanksgiving, and the new holiday struggles to be Christmas and/or Hanukkah. Now is the time of the Fingers Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™.

Now celebrating its sixth-ish year¹ in publication, the boozeletter’s seasonal selection of overpriced, subpar, and/or just plain stupid bar-cart junk is a chance for the entire Fingers Fam to come together and mock the odious materialism promoted by the beverage-alcohol industry’s hackiest flacks, most brotastic brands, and most [redactable] “luxury homegoods” purveyors. In past years, the Bad Holiday Gift Guide for Heavy-Drinking Frenemies™ (BHGGfH-DF™) has included:

• Bourbon-infused socks for the guy at the gym who talks about “no-nut November” no matter what month it is;

• “Let’s Go Brandon” .50-caliber bullet bottle-openers for your Facebook aunt who abruptly stopped talking about January 6th, 2021 for… reasons;

• Tesla tequila tumblers for the coworker who recently bought a Twitter Blue subscription;

• A shot-dispensing Shotfun™️ shotgun for aspiring boogaloo bois;

And much, much more. It’s good fun! Unless your/your client’s goofy-ass product makes the guide, or one of the totally fictional characters I match with it hits a little too close to home, in which case it is probably less “fun,” and more of an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. My gift to you!

Anyway. For the uninitiated, the BHGGfH-DF™ works like this. Over the next two weeks, we all go out into the world/the internet/the pitch folder of my inbox to find the dumbest drinking-related shit for sale this holiday season. When you find something you think makes the mark, drop the link in the comments of this post, which should be open to both free and paid readers.² I’ll pick the best (worst) of the bunch, imagine a guy to get mad at who’d absolutely love it, and write the whole thing up as the final Fingers edition of the year.

Some ground rules:

1. Don’t send links to actual booze, no matter how obscenely expensive it is. I’m looking for drinking paraphernalia—beer bongs, wine keys, Blanton’s stopper displays, etc.

2. That said, whiskey stones are also off-limits, because they’re just too easy.

3. As always, special preference will be given to troop- and/or cop-humping Etsy garbage, shimmering baubles so pricey they could start a class war, and self-evidently useless gadgetry in search of a pouring problem to solve.

That’s about it. You’ll figure it out. And when you do, hit the comments:

Again, they’re open for both free and paid subscribers; this is one of my favorite pieces of the year because the entire Fingers Fam can directly contribute. Hope you will, too. We’ve got just two weeks to assemble the 2025 BHGGfH-DF™, readers. Let’s get to it.

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